This Is All I Am

Honey, you should see me in a crown.

97,071 notes

imarriedmyfandoms:

sherlocked-inside-the-tardis:

mrpondismypatronus:

deduce-me-e:

gomenne:

girlthrualookingglass:

Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.
But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.
He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.
“He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.
As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”
The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”
Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me … hey, you’re more than welcome.
“You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says.
Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.
“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”
“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz says he told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’”
Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”
“Yea, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said.
Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.
The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.
When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”
The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20 … I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”
Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”
Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”
“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”

FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED

ALL THE SLOW CLAPS GO TO YOU





There may be hope for us yet…

imarriedmyfandoms:

sherlocked-inside-the-tardis:

mrpondismypatronus:

deduce-me-e:

gomenne:

girlthrualookingglass:

Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.

But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.

He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.

“He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.

As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”

The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”

Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me … hey, you’re more than welcome.

“You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says.

Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.

“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”

“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz says he told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’”

Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”

“Yea, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said.

Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.

The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.

When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”

The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20 … I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”

Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”

Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”

“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”

FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED

ALL THE SLOW CLAPS GO TO YOU

There may be hope for us yet…

(via cas-get-outta-my-ass)

36,342 notes

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
129,032 Plays

catoniss:

rotfldm:

lampliekwoah:

strange-is-a-compliment:

chaotiksakura:

1loganhenderwhore:

akvilius:

Every single one of your actions suddenly becomes epic when you listen to this

I play this in my car while I’m driving.

I’m getting married and walking down the aisle to this song

I decided this a long time ago

And suddenly, doing the laundry became much more exciting.

I need to get a new ipod, put this song on it, and have it on repeat.

At all times.

drink up me hearties, yo ho.

(Source: peetanderson, via ibelong-inboston)

155,622 notes

toriseandbe:

alphamano:

mouss-e:

somepinkfluffy-dinosaur:

‎”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this!
  It seems that alot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such asituation. Everyone should read this especially each n every girl in this world. THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG…FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.6] Number three is public restrooms.7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.———————————————————————————————————————————-POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk:can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.
 2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow andarmpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told ourinstructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without usingmuch pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feellittle silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.——————————————————————————————————————————-FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/orpurse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE. 
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may behiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.  
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.If u have a heart or compassion reblog this post.‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.
 REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOWATLEAST PEOPLES WILL KNOW WATS GOIN IN THIS WORLD.So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.I hope you all will Reblog. Lets See how many of you really care for this. 

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT REBLOGGING THIS! IT COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.

Read this, please

It’s a fucking shame that women should read this. What kind of asshole world is it, where somebody have to be afraid walking around at night.I’m happy that my city is quite safe, and that my district is wonderful and safe. 

toriseandbe:

alphamano:

mouss-e:

somepinkfluffy-dinosaur:

‎”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this!

  
It seems that alot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a
situation. Everyone should read this especially each n every girl in this world. THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG…

FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:



1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:


1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk:
can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

 
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would 
not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and
armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our
instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using
much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel
little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.


1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or
purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.
 

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be
hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .
b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
 

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
  

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.


If u have a heart or compassion reblog this post.
‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

 
REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW
ATLEAST PEOPLES WILL KNOW WATS GOIN IN THIS WORLD.
So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.
I hope you all will Reblog. Lets See how many of you really care for this.

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT REBLOGGING THIS! IT COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.

Read this, please

It’s a fucking shame that women should read this. 
What kind of asshole world is it, where somebody have to be afraid walking around at night.
I’m happy that my city is quite safe, and that my district is wonderful and safe.
 

(Source: itssofluffy-im-gonna-die)

29,431 notes

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Lawyer:
"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness:
"I only have one, you know."
-----
Lawyer:
"Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness:
"By death."
Lawyer:
"And by whose death was it terminated?"
-----
Accused, Defending His Own Case:
"Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
-----
Lawyer:
"What is your date of birth?"
Witness:
"July 15th."
Lawyer:
"What year?"
Witness:
"Every year."
-----
Lawyer:
"What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness:
"Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
-----
Lawyer:
"Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness:
"No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer:
"What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness:
"Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer:
"This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness:
"Yes."
Lawyer:
"And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness:
"I forget."
Lawyer:
"You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer:
"How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness:
"Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer:
"How long has he lived with you?"
Witness:
"Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer:
"What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness:
"He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer:
"And why did that upset you?"
Witness:
"My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer:
"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness:
"No."
Lawyer:
"Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness:
"No."
Lawyer:
"Did you check for breathing?"
Witness:
"No."
Lawyer:
"So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness:
"No."
Lawyer:
"How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness:
"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer:
"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness:
"Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
-----
Lawyer:
"What happened then?"
Witness:
"He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer:
"Did he kill you?"
Witness:
"No."
-----
Lawyer:
"Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness:
"Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
-----
Lawyer:
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer:
"So you were gone until you returned?"
-----
Lawyer:
"The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
-----
Lawyer:
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
-----
Witness:
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer:
"Was this a male or a female?"
-----
Lawyer:
"I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness:
"That's me."
Lawyer:
"Were you present when that picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer:
"Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer:
"Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness:
"I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer:
"Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness:
"Yes."
Lawyer:
"What were you doing at that time?"
-----
Lawyer:
"She had three children, right?"
Witness:
"Yes."
Lawyer:
"How many were boys?"
Witness:
"None."
Lawyer:
"Were there girls?"
-----
Lawyer:
"You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness:
"Yes."
Lawyer:
"And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-----
Lawyer:
"What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness:
"Borofkin."
Lawyer:
"What's his first name?"
Witness:
"I can't remember."
Lawyer:
"He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness:
"No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
-----
Lawyer:
"Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness:
"I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer:
"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness:
"I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer:
"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness:
"No."
-----
Lawyer:
"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness:
"All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer:
"Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness:
"Yes sir."
Lawyer:
"Before or after he died?"
-----
Lawyer:
"When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer:
"Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
-----
Lawyer:
"And what did he do then?"
Witness:
"He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer:
"So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer:
"Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness:
"I could see his head."
Lawyer:
"And where was his head?"
Witness:
"Just above his shoulders."
-----
Lawyer:
"Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness:
"The victim lived."

43,548 notes

This happened yesterday while I was in WalMart.

Male cashier with multiple tattoos (two of them are colored in with rainbow):
How are you this evening?
Me:
Pretty good. Starving, obviously. How are you?
Cashier:
Not bad. I can't wait to get off my shift and get home to my boyfriend.
Woman behind me:
Wait, you're gay?
Cashier:
Yeah. . . ?
Woman:
That's a shame.
Me:
Why?
Woman:
He seemed like such a wonderful man, it's a shame he's gay.
Cashier:
Why is it a shame?
Woman:
It's wrong! It's immoral, it's dis-
Me:
Excuse me, but what's it to you if he's gay?
Woman:
It's offensive!
Me:
But how does it affect you?
Woman:
What?
Me:
Where exactly does it start to make sense that it affects you? A relationship is between 2 people, not 3.
Woman:
*sputters a bit, then leaves without her food*
Cashier:
. . . Wow, thank you.
Me:
Ignorant people are the reason I claim to be allergic to the human race.